30
Aug 11

What’s The Deal With Drug Cards?

The images you see above are two examples of seemingly thousands of sites that offer free drug cards and trying to figure out what they’re all about has been a mini-quest of mine ever since I was first pitched in 2008 to advertise them on Hey, It’s Free! I’m afraid to even try to calculate how much brain power I’ve spent on these things. For those who don’t know what I’m talking about, drug cards are things that you can print from online, for free, which entitle you to discount prices on a boatload of prescribed drugs. You merely give them your name and email address, hit submit, and then can print a “card” on the next page. Each card typically has your name, a Group#, a PCN#, a BIN#, and a Member#. What any of that means, I have no idea.

Somebody explain the following:

  1. Who publishes these offers?
  2. In what way, shape, or form are they benefiting from people using them?
  3. If you argue they don’t, then explain why there are affiliate companies that pay people to get other people to print and use the cards. (I can make like $0.25 for everybody I get to print one of these cards.)
  4. Why do pharmacies and/or drug companies give a discount on their products?
  5. Why does every Drug Card offer explicitly say (A) it’s not insurance and more importantly (B) you can’t use it in conjunction with insurance?

I finally broke down and decided to write this when my power company sent me a free card this week. When you start to Google for information, all you can find are a bevy of sites to print more cards. This is clearly a profitable venture for somebody out there. And again, these things work. They give the savings they promise. I’m not questioning if they’re a scam, but instead how in the hell they actually work.

I was able to find this discusion from 2009 where a few other people were curious as well. I could see it being a collaborative effort by the pharmaceutical industry, but I fail to understand how they can use the savings as a tax write-off. Deep in the thread there was a link to a 2009 NPR Planet Money segment “co-pay assistance cards”, but to me the story sounded like it was talking about specific drug coupons that pharmaceuticals offer (more on that in a minute). The final breadcrumb I was able to find was the second page of this thread. There was mention of actual company names and how they might be involved, but I’ll be honest – I didn’t comprehend much of it.

One thing I’ll say is this: from what I can tell, these drug cards are completely different than the coupons that pharmaceutical companies give out. The coupons were what the Planet Money and a recent This American Life episode called Fine Print 2011 are reporting on. (If you’re interested, it’s Act One and titled “One Pill, Two Pill, Red Pill, Blue Pill.”) Those coupons basically cut to the heart of the invention of co-pays.

Long story short, you’ve got drug companies, insurance companies, and you. Everybody want money, specifically your money. The drug companies invent Pill X and charge $500. Pill Y later comes out, which is the generic version of Pill X, and it only costs $50. Now when you used to get your pills and you had insurance, chances are you went for the original pill. People like name brand stuff over generics, especially if they’re not paying, which you weren’t. Your insurance company was. So the drug company got your money and you got the drug. Both of you were happy.

But the insurance company had to pay $500! They weren’t happy. So they invented co-pays as an incentive for you to get the cheaper drug. Now you go to get your pills and are told the co-pay for Pill X is $50, but for Pill Y it’s only $10. Chances are you opt for Pill Y! Again, you get basically the same drug, but the insurance company is only paying $90 instead of $500. But now the drug company isn’t getting your money! So to ramp up the arms race, they recently started issuing coupons which would pretty much cover co-pays or at least knock them down to the same level as the generic. So again, the co-pays are $50 or $10, but now you’ve got a $40 coupon for Pill X. Chances are you again opt for the name brand and now the insurance company is again paying way more for pretty much the same drug.

But here’s the thing. These drugs cards that I’m obsessed with aren’t like those coupons, specifically because of bullet 5, part B in my list of questions above. Drug cards are only for people without health insurance. If you take the insurance companies out of the equation, the scenarios above become obsolet. I don’t understand why there are plenty of news stories on the coupons, or “co-pay assistance cards,” but not on these drug cards.

What’s really gnawing at me is that I know somebody makes a little bit of money whenever people use the cards. I just can’t tell who. It’s the only reason the cards would show up in certain affiliate programs that I work with. The reason somebody is willing to pay me a quarter every time I get people to print out the cards is because that same person is probably making a dollar every time somebody uses one of the cards. I just can’t tell where that dollar is coming from and who is collecting it.

Seriously, does anyone know anything about these things? When the hell were programs like these invented? Why? Who is using them? Who is running them? Why? I’m afraid this will one day become my Moby Dick and I’m plum out of coffins.


21
Aug 11

I Don’t Want To Be What I Eat

Well that little streak didn’t last long! I don’t know why in the world I picked last week of all weeks to start that little experiment, but whatever.

Most of my focus lately has been between sleeping and eating. My sudden rash of insomnia has been a strange experience, as I can’t recall ever having trouble sleeping in the past. I’m the character who wakes up 30 minutes into an alien blockbuster wondering where everyone went and why the world is a smoldering ruin. So you can imagine the fun I had last night as I watched a Frontline and Sesame Street double feature at 5am.

It’s the food that’s really getting to me though. My God, my tongue has the permanent texture of sandpapper dipped in cat litter. I never was one to eat much fast food and yet I find that the only things I can handle are ones that are over-salted, sweetened, or both. The irony that I’m looking forward to getting better so that I can stomach more vegetables certainly isn’t missed on me. At least I can still manage to keep down fruit.

I see there’s a three hour telethon about to start on PBS. Might as well get in at the start.


18
Aug 11

I Still Hate Needles

Tomorrow marks the end of one of my self-described Hell Weeks – chemo every day of the week for five hours. And I swear, I’m not complaining. Had I popped out 100 years ago, they’d be leaching me or dosing me up with mercury.

But this shit gets old fast.

Aight, less cancer crap over the next few days. I promise.


18
Aug 11

I Still Haven’t Won A Lunch

I’ve been going through a bunch of older comedy from the 80s and 90s that I missed. I don’t know what the hell I did as a child. I had friends who adored Monty Pyton or SNL, others who traded burnt CDs of underground comedy like they were blocks of herion, and then there was me playing with Legos and on Super Nintendo. Oops.

Oh well. I tried my best to make up for it in college, where I finally discovered Mitch Hedberg. And that, my friends, is how you bluntly segue into the following quote I just found on his new website in honor of his memory.

Once, while being driven from the Atlanta airport to the hotel, our cab driver started talking shit. He was creeping towards a racist rant. We were still a ways away from the hotel when it dawned on us that he felt super okay with being a hateful weirdo.

Mitch leans forward, “Hey Man. Up here on the right is a deli that sells Boar’s Head Ham. Can you stop so we can grab something to eat?”

“Sure”

Mitch returned with THREE subs. No one spoke for the rest of the trip.

Lesson learned. It’s impossible to spew racist crap while eating a delicious sandwich.

Seriously, kids, don’t do drugs. Cause then I’ll start to like you, but you’ll die before I get a chance to meet you and, yes, it’s all about me in the longrun.


15
Aug 11

That’s Right

I’m a hero.

I’d actually stopped looking for it, but managed to spot it two weeks ago during the following brilliant segment.

Hickory smoke lady. Haha.

Why are they airing those names in the first place? For magic like this.

There’s nothing better than watching him break character. I would have done anything to be in the room when that was first pitched.


15
Aug 11

Don’t Worry, I Almost Don’t Care Either

I’m going to post 50 times over the next 50 days. Crap like this is the only thing that routinely gets me back in the habit of writing. So whatever I’m thinking about or doing over the next two-ish months, you’ll get a front row seat. I completely understand if you duck out after the first act to beat traffic.

And yes, this totally counts as today’s post.


28
Jul 11

Luckily There Are Some Cute Nurses

So I’ve got cancer.

Well, I’ve actually had cancer for nine months now. Ten months? I don’t know. Math was never my strong suit. You’d think I’d better remember when I first had surgery, but it’s baseball season. I’ve got more important things to keep track of.

Things didn’t get too serious until last month when, during a routine visit, my doctor said “so yeah, get ready for chemo. Your cancer is a little bitch.” I’m paraphrasing.

Thus began lots of chemotherapy. I’m four weeks in and luckily it’s one of those good cancers. Stage II Testicular Cancer is fairly curable, plus I get the bonus perk of talking about my junk with complete strangers. But I felt like I needed to say something, otherwise the jokes that are soon to follow on Twitter and Facebook might seem a little out of left field.

In the mean time, if you want to help out, say a few extra stupid jokes today in my name. Trust me, I can sense them.


29
Jun 11

Tumble On Down

When I started blogging, the platform of choice was called GreyMatter. Somewhere along the line I moved to MoveableType before eventually settling on WordPress. It’s been my blogging platform of choice for the past seven years, but now I can’t go ten feet without hearing about Tumblr.

I’m still debating if I want to stick with WordPress here or just take the dive into something new, but in the meantime I’m just going to post everything to this site and my Goob Is Goofy tumblr site. Because if there’s one thing I’m known for, it’s being able to eat an entire cake in 24 hours. Well, that, and for how accommodating I am.


21
Jun 11

Facebook Idiots

One of the reasons I wanted to get this site running was to collect some of my work in one place. The problem with writing is that I tend to lose track of 99% of it while in reality only 98% is truly forgettable. I’ve run or contributed to dozens of websites and trying to remember, let alone find copies of, it all can be daunting.

I figured I’d start with FacebookTalk.com. I started it in September … 2006? I have no idea. It was when Facebook rolled out the infamous “newsfeed” that everybody hated for a few days before forgetting all about. That’s when the media also took notice of Facebook and since so many people were angry, that’s all they talked about. I thought the furor and subsequent news coverage was not only stupid, but funny, so I slapped together a site and started writing.

It didn’t take long for me to get bored. Seriously, how long can you talk about Facebook before wanting to bash in your face? Exactly. Now try running an entire website dedicated to it.

I abandoned the site (partially to put more time into HIF) and figured that was that. A few months later I noticed I had a ton of email in my FBT inbox. It was all crap like “how do I change my password?” or “how can I read my girlfriend’s private messages?” Turns out that, by some crazy fluke, my site was the first Google result for “contact Facebook.”

What resulted was a series of back and forths where I made fun of people who couldn’t read that my site had no affiliation with Facebook. The jokes themselves aren’t all gold (though I still cackle at the race car bed exchange). However the series always held a special place in my heart because it was the first stuff I’d written that got attention by other blogs and that turned into a paying gig (National Lampoon bought the site).

And remember, FacebookTalk looked nothing like Facebook and had giant text saying not to contact me for Facebook tech support.

Continue reading →


13
May 11

Drunk Ron Swanson

I can’t stop watching this.